I absolutely love this time of year. Not only is summer around the corner but it’s graduation season; a truly special season of life for high school and post-secondary students alike. It’s a time when your achievements and hard work are celebrated by proudly walking across the stage, receiving your credentials, and of course the infamous hat toss. It’s seriously the best. Graduation day was hands-down one of the happiest days of my life. So, from one recent(ish) grad to another… Congratulations!
With all the joy and excitement, it can also be an overwhelming time. I get that. There’s so much change happening at once. A whole new set of new challenges are competing for your attention. And if one more person asks “what are you going to do after you graduate?!” you might just scream. I feel you.
Here are a few tips to help you in the transition as a new graduate:
CELEBRATE
Obviously! Whether it’s popping some bubbly with your friends or going out for a nice dinner with family, take some time to truly celebrate. Spend time with the people that truly love and support you. Even if you’re a person that doesn’t usually like to make a big deal out of things, I encourage you to celebrate in your own little way. Do something that makes you happy. After all, you’ve earned it!
REFLECT
If there’s a time in life when one should reflect, graduation is one of those times. Chances are, the person you were when you walked into your very first lecture, isn’t the person you are today donning your cap and gown. The amount of growth and change we experience during university is quite remarkable. Think about that. Think about what you’ve learned both academically and personally. Reflect on how your views have changed. Think about what you deem to be important or significant milestones along the way. You have so much to be proud of.
SET NEW GOALS
New milestones call for new goals. If your goals remain the same, perhaps consider new ways to achieve them. You’re entering a whole new chapter of life with endless paths to chase and discover, so it’s important to have a little direction to guide you. Whether it’s travelling, graduate school, finding a job asap, or some discovery time, write down your top goals and how you plan to achieve them. Try not to get distracted by those around you on their own path – just because your friends are going travelling for 6 months after graduation, doesn’t mean you should give up on on your goal of finding your dream job/internship/etc. Everyone’s goals are different.
This story doesn’t have a beginning, nor does it have an end. It’s a process and with every cycle, we become a little stronger, and a little wiser.
I can remember the conversation so clearly. I was 17 and was excited to be a senior in high school. I was in math class and our teacher was handing out our graded tests from the week before. I had butterflies in my stomach because I was eager to see if I had improved from the last test. Math wasn’t my strong point. I actually re-did Math 11 in my senior year with enough time to still finish Math 12 AND saw a tutor once a week for over a year. That test mark was a big deal for me.
Time felt like it was going impossibly slow while I waited for my test. When my teacher finally got to me, he handed my test over with a sly wink. He knew how hard I had been working so I took his gesture as a good sign. I flipped the test over and madly scanned all the pages until I found what I was looking for. I can’t remember the exact percentage but it was a B+, which was a good grade for me at the time. I remember feeling a wave of relief and pride wash over me. I did it! I couldn’t wait to tell my parents.
Unfortunately, my silent celebrations were short lived. I hadn’t even fully comprehended my accomplishment when one of my friends leaned over to me and asked what grade I got. (I should mention, this girl was a smarty-pants and she knew it. I don’t think she had ever gotten below 95% in any class in her entire life. Needless to say everything was a competition in her eyes. I should have known better.) Anyways, I proudly told her I got a B+ and before I even finished she said with dismay, “Katelyn, did you even study?” And before I could fathom a response, our lesson started and I don’t think I heard a word of it.
Sadly, this is the kind of story we’re all too familiar with. All it takes is one person to undercut your success and you’re back to square one. (aka Taylor Swift at the 2009 VMA’s). In today’s comparative society, we are constantly being told we’re not good enough. We’re brainwashed to believe that followers are more important than morals, that image is more important than heart, and that perception is more important than reality. I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of it.
Okay, so we understand that self-love is delicate and is often at the hands of other people’s standards, but it doesn’t have to be. In fact, self-love, self-worth, and self-perception should NEVER be in the hands of anyone but you. I understand that’s exceptionally hard in today’s day and age of followers, likes, and subscribers, but I’m telling you, it’s just a mind game. There are a few things that have helped me in my journey to self-love and I’m going to share them with you.
FIRST OF ALL, STOP COMPARING.
Comparison not only makes you feel crappy, it also prevents you from seeing how truly outstanding you are. When I compared myself to my “friend” in math class every day, it’s no wonder I never saw my own accomplishments for what they were. If I continue to compare myself at the office, I’ll never see the breakthroughs I’m making instead of everyone else’s. I’ll never give myself the credit and LOVE I deserve. How the hell is that fair? It’s easier said than done to break the habit of constant comparison but it’s more than possible. Focus on you and what you’re working towards. I like to keep a journal of my improvements with each project I’m working on. For example, if I’m starting a new routine at the gym, I’ll write down what I did and how I felt. Maybe I only lifted a few weights and did the Elliptical for less than 5 minutes, but down the road I’ll be able to see how far I’ve come and the improvements I’VE made. Journaling your progress can be done with almost anything and it really helps with keeping the focus on your personal journey. Not to mention it gives you small victories to celebrate every day.
GET TO KNOW YOURSELF BETTER.
As I grew up and went through university, I always thought I had to like what everyone else liked. I thought I liked certain music, food, clothing, etc. until I was no longer in that environment and realized I didn’t in fact like trap music, for example. It sounds obvious or even juvenile to let others influence the things you like, but it’s not. The friends and people we surround ourselves with highly influence the things we do. When you’re alone with your thoughts, ask yourself what it is that makes you, you. The more we align ourselves with our interests, goals, and aspirations, the more we feel like our truest selves and loving ourselves is that much easier. For example, I know that helping others gives me purpose, and that I’m actually an extroverted-introvert and alone time is really important to me. I know that I’m not naturally design-savvy but instead I’m really good at logistics and problem solving. I also know that as much as I want to have thick skin, I’m actually pretty sensitive and it takes me longer to overcome hurt than it would for someone else. And I’m okay with that because these things make me unique and undeniably myself.
LASTLY, CELEBRATE YOURSELF.
There’s nothing more powerful than a woman celebrating her rare intricacies. Now that you’ve spent some time digging deep and getting to know yourself better, it’s time to celebrate all that makes you beautiful and unique. Celebrating yourself can be done in many ways but the ultimate goal is the same- to do something for yourself and no one else. It could be as simple as running yourself a bath with a fancy bath bomb that makes you feel like a unicorn princess. Total win. It could be treating yourself to that really pretty summer dress that you’ve been eyeing up for months. It could be checking yourself in to a quiet hotel for the weekend with nothing but cozy robes and room service. Whatever you come up with, just remember to celebrate the crazy, awesome person that you are. And own it.
Learning to love yourself requires patience, forgiveness and a whole lot of unconditional love.I hope that after reading this you realize self-love is a journey that looks completely different to each of us. No matter what, I want you to know you are strong, beautiful, and deserving. And remember to always let your best light shine through. You’ve got this.
*This post was originally published on WholeHearted Woman. Thank you to my internet pal, Molly Ho, for encouraging me to write this post and for being a constant source of light and encouragement. Check out Wholehearted Woman for soul-driven stories that go beyond the surface.
How many times has your internal dialogue told you to be more like someone else? These days it seems like “influencers” are in every direction whose voices are so loud, the smaller voices get drowned out. We hear ourselves thinking “Maybe if I was more like her/him, then I’d be more successful.” Sound familiar?
With social media at an all time high, we’re hardwired to believe that we should be more than we are. Maybe it’s just easier to copy whatever that “successful” person is doing, rather than finding your voice. I get that. But let’s turn the tables and remind you of why your voice is one of the most powerful tools you can master in all aspects of your life.
How often have you heard the following statements?
“You shouldn’t run your business like that.”
“You’d be more beautiful if _____”
“Doing ____ won’t get you noticed.”
“You’re never going to see results that way.”
“That’s a bad idea, it’s already been done before.”
These situations are probably at the worst end of the spectrum but nevertheless, society has a way of sending us these messages in very discrete ways. Finding your voice through these kinds of situations can be really tough. Where do you even start? Whether you’re trying to find your voice in your work, in your relationship, or even within yourself, let’s first consider where our voice comes from:
Your voice comes from your heart
When you speak from the heart, what kinds of things come to mind? Use your heart to identify the emotions that describe you or what you’re passionate about. We’re conditioned to believe that we’ll be more accepted if we round out our edges but those edges are what set you apart from the rest. Don’t do away with something because it makes you different, let that part of you stand out.
Your voice comes from your values
Your values are like a moral compass that guide you between what you believe to be right or wrong. In other words, they are basically an extension of what you believe in. Let’s say your values are to be honest and compassionate. Allow your voice to lead with Honesty and Compassion and these values will most definitely be heard among the crowd. And lastly, everyones values are different so don’t be afraid to let yours shine through.
Your voice comes from authenticity
This point, in my opinion, is the most important. I’m sure you’ve heard about authenticity before but nevertheless, according to Meriam-Webster, the definition of authenticity is being “true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character is sincere and authentic with no pretensions.” I speak from experience when I say that being my authentic, true self is what made the difference between finding my voice and being a follower. Authenticity is directly tied to being in tune with your heart and your values, so allow yourself the vulnerability and freedom to embrace the beautiful, unique person that you are. Make your voice heard.
Have you experienced a time when you felt like your voice was being silenced or challenged? How did you get back in tune with yourself and your voice?
